Showing posts with label Teens. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Teens. Show all posts
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Teens need your time
I have found that my teens need me to spend time with them doing things they enjoy in order to fill connected. Some teens need more time than others. One of my teens will find me in whatever room I am in and share trivia, stories, things they are doing. Our relationship is fairly easy. My other teen doesn't feel a connection till I spend lots of time doing things like watching shows or movies, sitting in the hot tub together, shopping etc. They both are at the age they drive and have their own cars but I find now that I don't have to take them places, I am choosing to spend time with them. Its the only way they open up and let me know what is important to them. So if your teen is difficult, try spending a tom of time with them. Even if they resist for the first 100 times. All teens really want is to be heard, understood, validated and to know that you can be fun too. My daughter tried on dresses this last week and I picked out a few choices which is usually a big no no. Anyway I told her to go ahead and try them on just for the laugh factor. And sure enough we both about died laughing. I treasure every moment because before I know it she will be all grown up.
Monday, January 08, 2007
What To Do With Teens Who Are Not Acting So Terrific
What To Do With Teens Who Are Not Acting So Terrific
The best and most effect book I have found is “Parenting your Out of Control Teenager 7 steps to reestablish Authority and Reclaim Love” by Scott P Sells PhD. Yes, I thought the same thing, MY TEEN is not OUT OF CONTROL. But the girl who showed me the book said it will help even if your teen is a good one. So I bought it and started reading. The main concept is “contracts” that you make with your teen. these contracts have the behavior that is not acceptable, consequences and rewards listed. (you make them up according to what is important to you and your teen. It is important to have a backup plan 4 levels deep, as teens are very resourceful. In other words if you have a consequence you will need a consequence to back it up and one to back up that one and so on. The book gives samples of forms or you can write your own. The teen and you sign them. It even tells you what to do should your teen refuse to sign. It has a regular section and a section for teens that are WAY out of control. It gives the reasons why sending them away to a “boot camp” does not work.
Although my teens would never admit it, I think they liked the PIR's the best. PIR stands for Positive Incident Report. You mark the teens good behavior that you notice and post them.
Here is an example of a contract I have with my teens. This came out of the frustrating “laundry habit” of saying on Sunday morning “no mom I don't have any laundry” when asked and then nagged repeatedly to get it. Then at 9:30pm saying “here's my clothes and I NEED them by tomorrow if I am going to school”. So the contracts reads that “clothes are to be to the laundry area and sorted by 10am if I was going to wash them, and if not ,they were responsible for washing their own.” And only after I got done with whatever laundry I was doing. It took about 3 weeks, and all of a sudden first thing Sunday morning the clothes were out and sorted without a word from me. What this book does it gives you the freedom to be a mom without nagging. It is such a relief. We have done contracts for being disrespectful, chores, and schoolwork. it is difficult at first because they will resist change but I noticed once they realized there was no way out, and mom is nagging less, we haven't need to use them as much. I highly recommend this for ANYONE with teens.
And finally the best place I have found to buy books is AMAZON. You can buy good used books for a fraction of the cost or buy them new. They arrive in a timely manner, and you don't even have to leave the house. they store all your info too so the next time you shop you can just click and state yes when asked if you want to use the card on file. It works for me! Oh I guess that should be in tomorrows post.
Dont forget to tune into Sunday Festivus right here. Air you grievances this week in a positive way. You'll feel better I promise! And I will link to your site! See below for this weeks Festivus.
Coming in tomorrow's Wednesday Works for Me.....what is metal, has a bit of diamond and is very useful for staying beautiful? Check in tomorrow to see.
The best and most effect book I have found is “Parenting your Out of Control Teenager 7 steps to reestablish Authority and Reclaim Love” by Scott P Sells PhD. Yes, I thought the same thing, MY TEEN is not OUT OF CONTROL. But the girl who showed me the book said it will help even if your teen is a good one. So I bought it and started reading. The main concept is “contracts” that you make with your teen. these contracts have the behavior that is not acceptable, consequences and rewards listed. (you make them up according to what is important to you and your teen. It is important to have a backup plan 4 levels deep, as teens are very resourceful. In other words if you have a consequence you will need a consequence to back it up and one to back up that one and so on. The book gives samples of forms or you can write your own. The teen and you sign them. It even tells you what to do should your teen refuse to sign. It has a regular section and a section for teens that are WAY out of control. It gives the reasons why sending them away to a “boot camp” does not work.
Although my teens would never admit it, I think they liked the PIR's the best. PIR stands for Positive Incident Report. You mark the teens good behavior that you notice and post them.
Here is an example of a contract I have with my teens. This came out of the frustrating “laundry habit” of saying on Sunday morning “no mom I don't have any laundry” when asked and then nagged repeatedly to get it. Then at 9:30pm saying “here's my clothes and I NEED them by tomorrow if I am going to school”. So the contracts reads that “clothes are to be to the laundry area and sorted by 10am if I was going to wash them, and if not ,they were responsible for washing their own.” And only after I got done with whatever laundry I was doing. It took about 3 weeks, and all of a sudden first thing Sunday morning the clothes were out and sorted without a word from me. What this book does it gives you the freedom to be a mom without nagging. It is such a relief. We have done contracts for being disrespectful, chores, and schoolwork. it is difficult at first because they will resist change but I noticed once they realized there was no way out, and mom is nagging less, we haven't need to use them as much. I highly recommend this for ANYONE with teens.
And finally the best place I have found to buy books is AMAZON. You can buy good used books for a fraction of the cost or buy them new. They arrive in a timely manner, and you don't even have to leave the house. they store all your info too so the next time you shop you can just click and state yes when asked if you want to use the card on file. It works for me! Oh I guess that should be in tomorrows post.
Dont forget to tune into Sunday Festivus right here. Air you grievances this week in a positive way. You'll feel better I promise! And I will link to your site! See below for this weeks Festivus.
Coming in tomorrow's Wednesday Works for Me.....what is metal, has a bit of diamond and is very useful for staying beautiful? Check in tomorrow to see.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Thursday Thirteen ed 10
Thirteen Things I will say YES to my teens about
(a little obsessive but the ideas do cross my mind)
1. Daughter age 13: “Can I go to the movies alone with my boyfriend?” Yes, when you are 18.
2. Son age 15: “Can I drive in the freezing rain and black ice with my drivers permit?” Yes, once you have been properly trained and we are in an empty parking lot with no lampposts in site.
3. Sugar o holic Son age 15: “Can I have ice cream for breakfast?” Yes, if you eat 3 banana’s an apple and an orange first.”
4. Both kids; “Can I stay up all night long on a school night?” Yes, when you are in college.
5. Daughter age 13 wearing a tight shirt with cleavage showing: “Can I go to the mall with my friends?” Yes, once you change your clothing, and wear a turtle neck shirt that is not form fitting.
6. Daughter age 13: “ Can I run up the cell phone bill to unafforadable levels?” Yes, but we will be selling your video/picture/MP3 phone on e bay and getting you a basic cricket phone.
7. Daughter age 13: “Can you get off early from work to go pick up my boyfriend (40 minute trip) and take us all to the movies. Then take him home after?” Yes, I did this one….
8. Daughter age 13: “Can you buy my friends presents” Yes, once you pay for part of it or help out at home
9. Son age 15: “Can my girlfriend come over for New Years and stay the night?” Since there is no way for her to get home (she lives an hour away) then YES, but there will be alarms installed on your window and door. And on the room she is staying in. Plus visual, auditory and tactile deterrents from getting up in the night for a make out session.
10. Son age 15: “Can I walk from your work down to the stores” (through a gang section of town) Yes, if we follow you ready to call 911 a the slightest hint of gang activity.
11. Son age 15: “Can I pretend that I am in trouble so I wont be embarrased to be sitting by my parents” Yes anything you want to have you around a little longer!
12. Both: Can you buy it and then I will earn it?” Yes, if you earn it first and then I buy it.
13. Both: Can you? Can you? Can you? YES YES YES as I long as I am alive I will say yes!
Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
View More Thursday Thirteen Participants
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Thursday Thirteen: 13 great things to help with the teen years ed 5
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1. Book: 5 Love Languages of Teens by Gary Chapman (learn how your teen shows love and recieves love--It may be different from what you think it is) 2. Book: Parenting your out of Control Teen by Scott P Sells. I wish they would change the name of this one. It is great for even teens that are not out of Control. Shows you how to take care of a variety of problems such as disrespect and frees Mom from all the nagging. It also shows how to show your teen the positive things they are doing) 3. Date-time with Mom or Dad night. Special time alone with you and your teen. Let them pick the activity. Guarenteed to get them talking after the first few "dates" 4. Online- www.byparents-forparents.com deals with the difficult issues as well as minor issues. 5. Online- Tips for parenting teens at www.buzzle.com 6. Online- www.parentingteens.com 7. Online-www.ncfy.com/publications/tips/tips.htm 8. Hang on-When they pull away do what ever you have to pull them back into the family. 9. Snoop-Get a good program that records every site that your computer goes to, blocks undesirable sites and a program to recover deleted items for the tricky "computer smart" ones 10. Loosen up-When appropriate "loosen the reins" a bit, with more freedoms for good behavior and less for undesirable behavior 11. Driving: check out www.familycircle.com and read the article on "crash proofing your teen". Very good advice on raising the chances your teen will stay out of a serious crash 12. Words-Tell them you love them everyday 13. Divine help-Pray for them everyday and anytime you feel you need extra Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!) |
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
View More Thursday Thirteen Participants
Monday, September 25, 2006
Terrific Teens
Monday "MADD" ness
Here is a poem a friend brought to me this morning it was originally on MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving) e mails
You told me not to drink Mom,
so I had a rootbeer instead.
I felt so proud of myself,
the way you said I would,
that I didn't drink and drive,
though some friends said I should.
I made a healthy choice,
and your advice to me was right.
The party finally ended,
ANd the kids drove out of sight.
I got into my car,
sure to get home in one piece.
I never knew what was coming, Mom,
something I expected least.
Now I'm lying on the pavement,
and I hear the policeman say,
"the kid that caused this wreck was drunk",
Mom, his voice seems far away.
My own bloods all around me,
as I try hard not to cry.
I can hear the paramedics say,
"this girls going to die".
I'm sure the guy had no idea,
while he was flying high,
because he chose to drink and drive,
now I would have to die.
So why do people do it Mom,
knowing that it ruins lives?
And now the pain is cutting me,
like a hundred stabbing knifes.
Tell sister not to be afraid, Mom
Tell Daddy to be brave,
and when I go to Heaven,
Put "Daddy's girl" on my grave.
Someone should have taught him,
that its wrong to drink and drive.
Maybe if his parent had,
I'd still be alive.
My breath is getting shorter Mom
I'm really getting scared.
These are my final moments,
and I'm so unprepared.
I wish that you could hold me Mom
As I lie here and die.
I wish that I could say "I love you, Mom!"
So I love you and goodbye.
Here is a poem a friend brought to me this morning it was originally on MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving) e mails
You told me not to drink Mom,
so I had a rootbeer instead.
I felt so proud of myself,
the way you said I would,
that I didn't drink and drive,
though some friends said I should.
I made a healthy choice,
and your advice to me was right.
The party finally ended,
ANd the kids drove out of sight.
I got into my car,
sure to get home in one piece.
I never knew what was coming, Mom,
something I expected least.
Now I'm lying on the pavement,
and I hear the policeman say,
"the kid that caused this wreck was drunk",
Mom, his voice seems far away.
My own bloods all around me,
as I try hard not to cry.
I can hear the paramedics say,
"this girls going to die".
I'm sure the guy had no idea,
while he was flying high,
because he chose to drink and drive,
now I would have to die.
So why do people do it Mom,
knowing that it ruins lives?
And now the pain is cutting me,
like a hundred stabbing knifes.
Tell sister not to be afraid, Mom
Tell Daddy to be brave,
and when I go to Heaven,
Put "Daddy's girl" on my grave.
Someone should have taught him,
that its wrong to drink and drive.
Maybe if his parent had,
I'd still be alive.
My breath is getting shorter Mom
I'm really getting scared.
These are my final moments,
and I'm so unprepared.
I wish that you could hold me Mom
As I lie here and die.
I wish that I could say "I love you, Mom!"
So I love you and goodbye.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Thursday Thirteen Ed. 2
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Co written by Kiara age 13 and Braden age 15 1. Having their friends over 2. Spending quality time with them 3. Listening to understand, not to judge 4. Watching a favorite show with them 5. Playing catch 6. Buying them stuff they do not need, but really enjoy 7. Treating them like adults 8. Giving them more responsibility 9. Relaxing the rules a bit 10. Taking them shopping or on errands they need to do 11. Making them their favorite foods 12. Getting them to shool and activities on time 13. Laughing with them Links to other Thursday Thirteens!1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!) |
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
View More Thursday Thirteen Participants
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Getting started
Here is my meager attempt at starting a blogspot. I will need the help of my very smart beautiful daughter Kiara to make this a cool blog. I named it terrific teens because I have two of the best teens ever!
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